Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
