summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
