I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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