All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
