i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
