I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
