You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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