bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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