she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
