That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
do herpes really smell.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Enjoy the penises
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
