Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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