Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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