i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
