I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
