He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
