I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
