he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
