Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
