What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my being single is dangerous.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
