I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
