Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize