drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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