Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
