Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
