In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
