i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
