Ketchup is God's man juice
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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