oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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