Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
