Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
