You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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