I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We got so high we made milksteak
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
