Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
