Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
