Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
