it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
