The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
