What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
