I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
