So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
