Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
