Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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