Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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