I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
