Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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