If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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