I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
