is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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