Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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