If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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