Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
